Talking with a Step-parent: Just don't say it!

Being a step parent can be hard enough without the (sometimes) well intentioned comments from other people. While I think most people mean well, there are some things that are said that can be really hurtful. Below are two that I have run into that I feel the need to get off my chest. Please feel free to share your "Just don't say it" experiences in the comment section below.

Just don't say it: "Of course they're going to fight you! Pick and choose your battles! They aren't yours!"

Alright, so this one is a little tricky. Yes, there are some children that just outright hate the step-parent and will defy them no matter the situation. However, sometimes kids are just being rotten kids. I've know parents whose biological children are little hellions and won't listen to a thing they say. Telling a step-parent that a child is obviously going to fight them because they are not the blood parent is really disheartening. Instead of basically telling the step-parent they're screwed, offer some words of encouragement. We know good and well that we aren't the child's actual mother or father, and we are doing the best we can. I'd much rather have someone tell me to keep my chin up instead of reminding me I'm not their mother and hey, why should they listen to me anyway?

And as far as picking and choosing battles. Well, dammit, that's the easy way out, and it's not good for the children. Parent's need to be consistent. I know it sucks when it feels like you are having to get on your children for every little thing, but sometimes it has to happen. Kids need consistency in discipline. They don't need to grow up knowing their parents will let them get away with certain things because, "Mommy and Daddy just don't want to deal with it.", and that kind of attitude certainly won't earn you any rewards from the people that now have to deal with the children you've raised.

Just don't say it: "It's different because they aren't yours." or "You'll understand when you have one of your own."

To be honest, this is the one that really pisses me off. One of the most hurtful things you can say to a loving step-parent is that because the child is not their biological child, the parent just "won't get it", "won't appreciate it", or will "feel differently about it" once they have a child of their own, when it comes to one situation or another. I love my children. I would do anything for them. Just because I did not give birth to them does not mean I would not lay down my life for them or do what I could to secure their happiness. The fact that I did not give birth to them, and therefor the children are not "my blood" does not do anything to change how I feel for them. I know people who would lay down their lives for a friend, but who if their sibling was on fire and they had a bottle of water, they would drink it rather than help "their blood.". Blood to me means nothing. I was raised with a half-brother and an adopted sister, and guess what? They are my brother and my sister. Whether or not they share some or none of my blood does nothing to change my feelings for them. My children are my children. End of story.


Okay, I'm feeling a bit better now. The phrases above are two that I have run into a LOT since I got married, and I've been married less than two months! It can be really discouraging to have people who don't know you, your children, or your situation basically tell you how you should be living your life and what you should be doing. It makes me want to throw my hands up in the air and start running around the room screaming, "You don't know me! You don't know my life! BLAH!" and make a bee-line for the nearest exit. Because, well, honestly... they don't.



~ Lady A

Recipe: Chicken Doritos Casserole

I made this tonight, and Oh. My. Gosh. This is GOOD! There is just a little bit of a kick from the Ro-Tel tomatoes, and the Doritos still maintain a bit of a crunch. I found the recipe on Pinterest, and you can find the link to the original recipe here. Both of my kids really enjoyed it (I blew the rating scale up apparently, haha). I haven't gotten my husbands opinion yet, but I'm positive it will be, well... positive :)

I doubled the original recipe as it is only supposed to serve 4, and I like making sure I have leftovers for lunch the next day. So the amounts you see below are for the double batch I cooked.

Ingredients:

- 4 cups shredded chicken (I had cooked it in the crock pot the day before to save myself time)
- 4 cups shredded Mexican cheese, separated (2 cups for the chicken mixture, 2 cups for the top)
- 2 (10 ounce) cans cream of chicken soup (I used Wal-Mart brand because it's slightly cheaper than Campbell's, and I don't notice a taste difference)
- 1 cup of milk
- 1 cup of sour cream
- 2 (10 ounce) cans Ro-Tel tomatoes (I used mild)
- 1 packet of taco seasoning (I used McCormick, the taste you can trust!)
- 1 large bag of Doritos (grab the party size!)

Directions:

Turn on the oven to 350 degrees and let it get good and hot. In the mean time, add the chicken, 2 cups of cheese, cream of chicken soup, milk, sour cream, Ro-Tel tomatoes, and taco seasoning together in a large bowl and mix well.

Grease a 9x13 pan (PAM is your friend!). Grab that bag of Dorito's and take out your mommy frustrations by crushing up those chips! Then place a layer on the bottom of the pan. Top with half of the chicken mixture, another layer of Doritos, the other half of the chicken mixture, and then top it off with the rest of the Doritos and the other 2 cups of cheese.

Now you'll need to cover the pan with foil. I suggest tenting it a bit, so you don't end up with a cheesy mess stuck to the top like I did. Pop it in the over and cook it for about a half hour, or until the casserole is nice and hot.

I ate it straight, but feel free to top it with sour cream, lettuce, or fresh tomato. My son smothered it in Del Taco hot sauce (yes, I save the packets, that stuff is freaking delicious).

ENJOY!

Listening Ears: Say what?

I'm not sure whose responsibility it was when my children were being created to install their listening ears, but I'm pretty sure they all got a faulty set, and I want something done about it.

What is it that causes kids to just tune out whatever it is you say? This morning I found out that my husband had had to confiscate my sons "ball-e" the other night (this is also his third strike*, so guess who ball-e belongs to now?), for something the children have been told dozens of times not to do and have gotten in trouble for multiple times... tossing the ball in the house.

I don't consider myself an unreasonable parent. Kids need to play and burn off steam, and I completely understand that. Even though sometimes it makes me want to scream and turn into Angelica Houston from "Witches", I let them rough house and yell and just generally have a good old time making the loudest (and at times most disgusting) noises they can manage. I even let them play with "ball-e" in the house, under one condition: BALL-E IS NOT TO BE THROWN/TOSSED/HURLED AT A THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR TOWARDS A PERSON OR OBJECT. So basically, just roll ball-e around, and everything is snazzy. Wanting to throw ball-e is perfectly fine, but for goodness sake kids, do it outside! What do you think the back yard is for?

Apparently not for tossing ball-e around, at least according to my kids. Why go outside in the sunshine and fresh air, when you can be in an air-conditioned house and hope mom or dad doesn't catch you? Oh, they tried to be smarter this time, they weren't tossing ball-e around in the main areas of the house you see, oh no... they'd escaped to my sons bedroom and closed the door. Guess it didn't occur to them that a ball makes noise when it hits a wall/object/very vocal person. I really believe if they had a working set of listening ears, they would have figured that out.

So, dear whoever you are that is in charge of the listening ears department, I have a request. I don't want to get anyone in trouble, and I'm sure you're employees work very hard, but someone is slipping up and installing faulty mechanics. If you could somehow find it in the goodness of your heart to install some new or better quality listening ears on my children (their bedtime is at 9, so you can stop by anytime after they've fallen asleep. I'm sure the ears are much easier to install if the child isn't squirming) I'd really appreciate it. You can imagine my frustration at having to repeat the same rules over and over due to a set of faulty hardware.

Ever yours,

~Lady A


*In our house, we have a "three strikes" rule. If I have to take a toy away three times, it's now MY toy. Yay toys!

Recipe: Grands! Easy Taco Melts

Grands! Easy Taco Melts

 

 

My children are incredibly picky eaters. It's hard to get them to try anything new without a struggle. They are very much hamburger and spaghetti-o's kind of kids.

 

Tuesdays in our house are taco nights. Yes, I know we aren't original, but hey, Del Taco started a trend okay? Now, tacos are delicious, don't get me wrong, but having them all the time can get boring, so I like to try and change it up a little here and there.

 

Thanks to my hours of scouring www.pillsbury.com, I stumbled across this recipe. It looked simple (it is), and according to the reviews delicious (it was!). I'm all about quick and easy (it took hardly any time to put together), so I decided to give it a shot. My son (a FAR pickier eater than my youngest daughter), took one bite and exclaimed is a very surprised voice, "This IS good!". I swear I heard angels sing...

 Ingredients:
- 1 package taco seasoning
- 2/3 cup water
- 1 1/2 cups chunky salsa
- 1lb ground beef
- 1 can Pillsbury Grands! Biscuits (I used home style)
- 1 cup shredded Mexican cheese blend
- 1 cup sour cream

Directions:
Brown ground beef and drain. Add taco seasoning, water, and 1/2 cup salsa, and heat until thickened.

Press each biscuits into a 6-inch round. Spoon 1/3 cup meat mixture and 1 tablespoon cheese onto the center of each round. Fold dough in half over filling; press to seal. Place onto greased cookie sheet and bake 9-14 minutes at 375 degrees or until golden brown. Serve with remaining cheese, salsa, and sour cream.

Add a salad on the side, and you've got dinner in about a half hour!

Motherhood: Not even the bathroom is safe anymore

Ahh, the bathroom. Your sanctuary, your private library, your own little kingdom where you are the ruler of the porcelain throne and no one dare disturb you.... HA! Yeah right!

As a child, the bathroom was a special place for me. It was somewhere I could go if I just wanted to escape and be left alone for a while. Sure, it bugged the heck out of my parents, but who were they to judge as to whether I really had an upset stomach, or if I just wanted to finish a few more chapters of Harry Potter?

As an adult, the bathroom has continued to be a place where I could just steal a few moments to myself. Feeling overwhelmed? Hide in the bathroom. Don't really want to deal with anyone? Hide in the bathroom. Looking for a quiet place to finish reading that last chapter? Well, where else, but... the bathroom!

Now that I'm a mother, I've discovered that going to the bathroom is NOT the ultimate escape plan. Sure, I've heard horror stories of mothers trying to steal a few precious moments to themselves, only to be bombarded with the cries of infants and small hands reaching underneath the bathroom door, but that's just the thing, all the horror stories (and occasional pictures I've seen floating around the internet) involved SMALL hands, infant and toddler hands. Not the hands of pre-teens and teens. I'd never imagined it would be the cries of adolescents!

Just tonight, I decided to steal away to the bathroom, seek some quiet time to reflect on the day, when not a few minutes later I hear my son knock on the door to ask if he may get on the computer before he does his chores. Now, he knows he isn't supposed to be asking to do any fun stuff before his chores are done, and really, you're going to bother me while I'm in the bathroom, for THAT? Annoyed is putting it gently. I reminded him of his duties, and vowed to myself to attempt some quiet time again later in the evening.

Alas, I was again denied. Not a moment after I'd hung up my towel (if I couldn't get privacy on my throne, I sure was going to get it in my shower darn it), I hear another knock on the door. What could it be this time? My youngest was now requesting my help because she could not get the Wii to work correctly for the game she wanted to play, and mommy needed to come to the rescue. Instead of the leisurely after shower pampering that I had planned, I was now rushing to throw on some pj's and put my hair up in a clip, so that I could figure out what the devious game system was up to now.

With the cries of, "Lady A*, where is the toilet paper**?", "Lady A*, can I get on the computer?", and "Lady A*, could you possibly take my boyfriend home***?" still ringing in my ears, I'm resigning myself to the fact that I may never again have a "quiet" place to escape to, at least not until the kids are grown and gone. Because really, if you can't escape to the bathroom, you can't escape anywhere.

~ Lady A


*My children tend to address me by my given name. My youngest goes back and forth, and that's just fine. Whether they want to call me mommy or not is their decision.
**You know when you're kids ask you where something is, even though you've told them (and physically shown them) at least half a dozen times? Yeah...
***You also know that thing where your kids will ask you if you'll do something, even though you sat and thoroughly explained to them why you WON'T be doing it? Mmmhmmm....

Hello Blogger!

Hello Blogger!

You'll have to forgive me as I try to figure out how to set up this blog just right. I really only have the chance when I steal the few moments here and there that I'm not working or having to take care of home and kids.

Man, has this week been exhausting. Work has been all over the place, and it seems like there has been one crazy emergency after another. Add on top of that taking care of three children and running a household, and there is not enough coffee in the world to sustain me. Thankfully my husband has been super sweet this week and helped me out a lot. He works all the time too, so I really appreciate when he finds the time to make me breakfast or pack a lunch.

Sadly, this post must be short. I have two children trying to read over my shoulder, and a son that wants to get on the computer, and wants to get on it NOW. He has a bit of an electronic addiction. Trying to break that...

See you soon!